Well, I'm not sure anyone reads this anymore. I've been pretty private (and pretty lax) about this blog, and haven't made it a real habit to keep up with. But, I thought if I would get anything out there on this World Wide Web and leave it up there, it would be this...
Justin Hayes has been one of my best friends for a very long time. (I hate to say best friend, because once you make it into the whole best friend tier, it seems awfully petty to rank people) But certainly someone I love very much and would trust with my life. For me, that's a big deal. Nowadays, with childlike naivete being stripped away from me every day, to have someone that close to your heart is pretty important.
The world lost Justin last month, due to some horrible freak accident at a Braves game. I refuse to go through the details of the accident, because I refuse to let how he died define his place in the world. Certainly, the biggest tragedy of all may be that the circumstance of his death will be the way some people remember him.
Justin's kindness was immeasurable. I read a very poignant article written about him by a columnist for the Forsyth County News which stated (paraphrased) "Justin fit a lot of life in his twenty five years..." Brother, if you knew the half of it... People throw around the phrase "He just loved life..." so much it has lost his value. But Justin LOVED life. Every minute of my life I spent with him, was a minute made more valuable because he was there.
Justin and I were VERY close before and shortly after Sean left for the Air Force. Then, my wife and I moved to South Florida, and forgot to say goodbye to him before we left. When I finally touched base with him a year later, he was still upset at me for that. I told him "If I did that, then I am a jerk, and he has every right to be mad at me, because I sure as hell would be mad at him." He immediately forgave me, and we were back to normal. But I will NEVER forget the hurt in his voice.
I immediately went home and wrote him an e-mail about how much he meant to me as a friend, and how much I regretted what I had done. He called me the next day, choked up as I was, and said it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever given to him, and he felt the same. How I wish I still had a copy of that letter...
The next couple of months went in and out. Our group of friends has a way of growing apart, and coming back together... We did after high school, and again and again when Sean came home. I guess Sean is the tie that binds us all together.
People have asked me time and time again to tell them my favorite "Justin memory"... and oddly enough, I couldn't think of one. As I sit here, typing this, they are all flooding back into my memory... It would be like asking you about your favorite time with a sibling... You don't have favorite times. They are all favorite times.
One of the times that come to mind was when we all decided we'd go to Gatlinburg, TN for the day. A 2 hour trip that took 5 hours... We got sooo lost. It was great though. I couldn't imagine a person I'd rather get lost and kill five hours with. We had a great time despite getting lost. When we got there, EVERYTHING was closed... I'll never forget that day.
Also, when he was in culinary school, we spent a lot of time together on WOW... I hope that made him feel more at home, even though he was far away. I'll cherish that time as well.
I'ts been a hard month. It seems like my mind lets me forget he's gone every couple of hours... Then I get reminded somehow and he dies all over again to me. I guess it's just me finding my way through the process, but... I don't know. I think about him every day, and I regret not spending more time with him the past few months. I sent him a message on Myspace a few days before his passing and told him I missed him and wanted to see him. He said, "Sounds great, just lemme know when."
Most people become heroes in death. Funny thing is, we ALL would have said these exact same things about him when he was alive.
I feel like the best way for me to honor Justin is to live my life to the fullest. Try to live my life as well as I can. Fill it with love, respect, and kindness, because there is literally NO time to spend on hate and negativity. Life is way to short for that.
Justin, if they have internet in heaven... I love you brother. I always will.
